Conker_bfd

I suck at all things, at life and living, and being alive, and wanting to be alive, and sure, Rocksmith, too. Playing Rocksmith just keeps me from doing the inevitable for now. 

Here is how I figured out how to do the job once it is time. I wake up every day hoping that to day is the day, but I digress.

Once my "CU Next Tuesday" mother in law pushed my girl's wedding rings into the trash because, as I said, she is an evil person devoid of thought, feeling and full of hate and ignorance. Basically fk her. Anyway it was Wednesday night at 10PM when we realized they were gone and we tore the house apart, no luck.

The trash guys got here just before 7AM on Thursday. I know because the truck is f-ing loud and I could hear the truck going.

On Thursdays I don't go to work until 10 so it is rare for me to be out of bed before 8AM.  But through my sleep I heard the truck and I shot out of bed. I realized what had happened to the $20,000 rings. The trash was the only thing we didn't check because we took the bag out to the dumpster before we noticed the ring was missing. That trash bag was the only place it could be. I chased the garbage truck in my boxer-shorts barefoot, down, dirty, broken glass, back of houses, alley. That took some motivation. I caught up to the dump truck and they couldn't let me in of course but they said they would dump in a special spot for me that I could go through the whole load. I called Waste Management and they told me to come but wait in my car until the truck left.

I waited there for hour, no show. I called the dump, I called the City, I called the Mayor's office office of a huge city we live in and I called Waste Management. Nobody could track a truck down and the dump couldn't even tell me, because they didn't know, what truck dumped or where they dumped, only on what day they came in.                                                                        

The rings were gone and the little cutn threw them away. 

This give me a plan that I have been messing with for a few years. If you get something to the dumpster and it makes it into the dump then it is gone forever. 

So if I climb into a dumpster at 6:30AM and end it there, probably a cheap highpoint or other piece of crap g-u-n- so I am not taking anything of value with me and the lid being shut should muffle almost any noise. I could probably practice the noise thing first with a string but I am pretty sure. I could make a homemade suppressor, it is only going to be used once and destroyed and it won't be like I can go to jail for having it. And if the dumpster collects the trash and the body. Then my body will never be found and I won't be a mess for anyone to clean up. I will probably wrap myself in cardboard and plastic to change my outline and put a bunch of towels and Quickclot on my head just before so that I won't be a mess for anyone to clean up. Just a rotting piece of trash, rotting in the sun until another 60,000 tons of trash covers me.  What a peaceful way to go, knowing I hurt nobody, not even a person who would have to clean up after me and everyone would just think I left and disappeared. I will say what I say to myself every night, "Maybe tomorrow."